Birth Story Part 2 & Goodbye

[00:00:00] Jessy Grossman: People are screaming, you guys, like, screaming in pain, like, throughout the night. It was genuinely, like, incredibly terrifying. Like, I felt like I was in a horror movie, but in real life. And so I, like, called him. I was like, can you stay on the phone with me? I’m so scared right now.

Like, I’m so uncomfortable. And I’m just, like, I don’t want to be by myself. He did, of course, and. That was a night that I’ll never forget.

All right, guys. Welcome back to the WIIM Podcast. This is Jessy Grossman, your host. I am very excited to be back here with you guys. As always, this is my second recording post maternity leave, and if you didn’t listen to part one of my birth story, [00:01:00] today is going to be part two, so you might as well go back.

Listen to last week’s episode. These are incredibly personal to me. I’m half doing them. I would say mostly doing them just so I have like, I don’t know, a diary of this experience that I can either listen to later or maybe share with my son someday or my stepdaughter. I don’t know, but just like to have, I’ve been working on like, on a, like a little photo book Paul got me for.

My first Mother’s Day when Mikey was still inside of my belly and it was like his first this and his first, all his firsts. It’s a really cute book. And I went through the full book the other day and then corresponded specific pictures on my phone that I wanted to print out and include in it. And. I just got a little photo sleeves for them and I have like a whole plan.

So just putting together and memorializing this special time in my life. [00:02:00] So I’d say the other reason for me sharing this on the podcast specifically. It’s just to share as much information with you guys as possible. Like I’ve been doing this podcast now since 2018, I think, cause when started in 2017 and we started the podcast the next year.

So it’s been a while and most of you have like listened along the way and I don’t know, just been along for the ride and if there’s anything. That’s true about the core of this podcast and sort of the throughline of all the different episodes is that you just want to get the truth out there.

Like I just want all of us to be real and straight with each other and candid. So in that spirit, I wanted to share what it’s like to go through this because as I mentioned in part one, very [00:03:00] few women. Shared openly what their labor experience was like and what the first three months were like, candidly, like, I think that’s a lot because it’s like the most intense thing you’ll ever go through, both of those things.

And I think just people don’t want to scare other women, so, like, I don’t want to scare other women either, but I went into that wanting to hear what the worst case scenario was and like, just know what different directions. Everything could go in. I felt more comfortable knowing all of them, and having all the information.

I felt more comfortable knowing all the different outcomes and coming into it like mentally prepared. So if you’re anything like me and you’re interested in having a kid or pregnant currently, Or I don’t know, maybe down the road, you might one day sometime have a kid I hope that this is helpful if nothing else like interesting for [00:04:00] you.

And if this is not your jam, we have so many other episodes all about influence and marketing, but these past couple of episodes are all about the women who are leading and kicking ass and influence and marketing. So with that being said. Let’s jump into part two of my birth story.

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Make more money and have fun doing it. Visit IamWim. Com slash join. That’s I A M W I I M dot com slash join today and I so look forward to seeing you more around the community. All right. So part two, first of all, if you’re watching on YouTube, I look a little crazy. I have zero makeup and my hair is a little frizzy and damp because I.

Got to watch it today, which is great. While Mikey was sitting in the baby Bjorn with helium balloons tied to it because he loves balloons, he cried. And at least I got to sort of knock on the glass and try to, I don’t know, get him distracted and push the balloons every so often. And he’d quiet down a bit, but yeah.

Yeah. I got to take a whole shower. My hair hasn’t dried cause I’ve been with him the rest of the day, but that’s why I look a little crazy. I’m like, not going to sit here and pretend that I’m [00:06:00] able to put on makeup like I used to and do my hair and make it look perfect. That’s just, that would be such a lie.

I like it, I’m not ever wearing makeup much, maybe once a week. If I like, I just want to feel good when my hair’s like never done anymore. It’s only when I get my extensions. Redone and they just like to do it nice for me there. So once a month, my hair looks good, but I’m okay with that. So to pick up where I left off in the last episode.

So after Mikey was born, we went to a few different sorts of recovery areas. One was the. First was the recovery room specifically for the cesarean. I think I was the only person there at that time. But you’re all like cordoned off in different little areas. And yeah, I just remember he was in this like little tiny.

That they, they kind of wheel him [00:07:00] around with you in the hospital and it was me, him and Paul and that’s the only people who are at the hospital and yeah, everything was sort of okay. I felt fine. It was a little surreal. I was trying to get my bearings a little bit and be like, Oh my God, he’s here.

And what do the next few hours look like? Because I thought I was in for it. Another few hours or maybe another 24 to 48 hours. I think if I remember correctly, you do need to stay at the hospital for, I believe it’s at least 48 hours if you’ve had a cesarean. So that sort of extended my stay, to begin with.

And after they sort of checked me out there, it was like a short stay. I want to say just like a couple of Bowl hours. Then they wheeled me over to the general recovery area. Paul went home for the night. We have pets. He went to go take care of them, and I’m like under, I’m in the hospital with like all these people here to care for me.

So I felt like I was in [00:08:00] great hands. I was in like a nice. Pretty large private room, although like, it doesn’t matter because I can’t, you can’t move. I mean, I couldn’t move. So I’m just in the bed. I’m just trying to like, listen to podcasts. It’s so crazy. The one item that I had throughout my entire stay at the hospital, was like, A game changer for me was this last-minute purchase that I made that I thought was like such a throwaway.

It was this tiny little handheld fan that I got on Amazon that I think cost me like under 10 and that thing made a difference because when I was in labor, especially, Oh, my God, just like having that moving air and having something to focus on. And like, then, later on, I just, I. Small tangent, but like that thing, highly recommended, get a little, like a [00:09:00] tiny little handheld fan.

It was amazing. So I was just going to be in that room overnight and taking some pain medication and they send in people all the time. A little too much into your room to obviously like check your stats, but also lactation consultants. I swear to God it was like every two or four hours, different lactation consultants would come in if you were interested in breastfeeding and would just teach you how to.

Do it. Cause I had no idea what to do or how to do any of that. So they come in and everybody has like a slightly different fresh perspective on it and we’ll teach you. But it was a lot, just like people constantly coming in. I kind of just wanted some peace and to just heal. Right. So Paul goes home.

The nurses told me that overnight, I think around midnight or [00:10:00] so they were gonna. Bring Mikey in so I could like, I could feed him overnight because they keep him if you ask, which for us, I was bedridden and Paul had to go home to take care of the pet. So we asked for him to be in the nursery overnight.

And so, but I was like, I would love to feed him if you could bring him back. I would love that. And so sort of like, In and out of it, out of sleep, as when you’re sleeping, they wake you up and they check your temperature, they check you’re this, they check all sorts of, I’m hooked up to a ton of different machines and I remember waking up when a nurse came in and like kind of looking at the time and being like, it was like 1 am or something.

And I was like, Hey, I could have remembered like I could have misheard the nurses, but I swear they said they were going to come back at midnight with. Yeah. The baby so I could nurse him. And she was like, Oh, all right, I’ll look into that for you. [00:11:00] And then she leaves the room after she does her tests. And I stay up as long as I can, but like I’m on a lot of medication and my body is a wreck at this point.

And so I fall back asleep. Then I woke up a couple of hours later when a new nurse came in to take my vitals again. And I told her, I was like, Hey, like there was a nurse who was supposed to check on my son because they told me he was going to come in, and like, now I’m just getting concerned.

Like now I’m just like incredibly uncomfortable that like I was originally doubting myself, but in my mind I was like, no, I’m just like politely doubting myself because the truth is like, I know what I heard, which is that they said they would bring him and he’s not there and no one’s helping me and I’m by myself and like.

This is my son who’s like a few hours old and my anxiety is already kind of getting out of control. So she’s like, okay, I’ll look into it for you. [00:12:00] And then she took my temperature and then went to go leave. And I was like, Hey, out of curiosity, what was my temperature? And she goes, Oh, if it was high, we would tell you, and it was like, that wasn’t my question.

What was my temperature? And I was like, the reason I ask is because I’m like, really cold for some reason. I’m like, shivering and I’m just not feeling awesome. Can you get me the blanket that’s over there? I pointed over to the side where I brought a blanket from home and highly recommended it. It was like really soft and cozy and she’s like, sure.

So she brings me the blanket, never tells me my temperature, and leaves again. So cut to. A few hours later, where the nurse comes in and Paul comes in the morning or around the time when the nurse checks it again, and he’s like, how are you doing? And I’m like, I’m [00:13:00] not feeling great. Like, I’m like, really cold.

And then I’m hot. And He’s like, why are you breathing like that? And I’m like, breathing like what? And he’s like, you’re breathing like really shallow. And I’m like, I am? Like, I had no idea. I was just, wasn’t like aware of it. I told him what happened overnight with the nurse and that I wasn’t feeling well and she didn’t seem to care.

Like she really, she didn’t do anything at all. And that Mikey was supposed to come in and I was like, really confused about that. So, He went out to get someone and it happened to have been my OB who was just making her rounds at the hospital. And she was so kind. It was one of the OBs from the practice that I’m at, that I was at.

And she’s so kind and was like, what’s going on? How are you? I’m like, [00:14:00] I’m not feeling well. I’m also concerned that, like, I just, I’m getting a really weird vibe from this specific nurse, and I don’t want her looking after me anymore, and, like, I just, I don’t know, I, like, I don’t feel well, I’m just telling you, like, I, something’s wrong, I don’t feel well, and so, They end up like checking my oxygen and it’s like super low and I, they check my temperature and I have a fever and my blood pressure is super high.

So, like. It was really scary because right, I swear within like two minutes, there were like 10 people in the room checking all sorts of things like they lifted my arms and they’re like talking about me like I’m not there, but they’re like, Oh, do you see that? I think that means like that looks like a, [00:15:00] I don’t know what it’s called, but like I have, that looks like she has fluid in her lungs and I’m like, what?

Like, yeah. And they’re like, oh, like, why didn’t, why wasn’t she taken care of overnight if she said that she was hot and said that she was cold and her, she had a fever and why wasn’t her oxygen checked and like everyone’s just sort of like covering their ass a bit and I’m just sitting here like, like I’m here you guys like I’m freaking out also and like no one, I’m like, Is trying to be mindful of that, like at all.

And so the doctor that originally came in, I told her, I was like, I’m appreciative. Like, I feel like you’re the only one listening to me. Like nobody’s listening to me. I kept saying things overnight and like, I’m like in and out of sleep because I’m like heavily medicated. But like, I’m expressing these very specific concerns and no one’s listening except for you.

So she’s like. I think we should give you, get you into a CT [00:16:00] scan and we’re going to look and see if there’s any flu in your lungs and we’re going to look and see what’s going on. And she likes personally with like a couple of other nurses, like walked me through the hospital to get to where they do CT scans and they like to get me all connected.

I already, my arms, I look like a. Drug addict, like I had black and blue all over my arms because of how many times I’ve been like poked and prodded for the amount of like injections and all the things that I had over the past like 24 hours. And so, you know, I had ports that were like already open and they took whatever was in it out.

And so that they could put the, like the dye that you need to be injected with for the CT scan in. And it hurt like a little bit to put in, but I was like, Oh, whatever. I’m just like, uncomfortable. Like you’re just uncomfortable and in pain. And it’s just one [00:17:00] more thing. So they like put that in and they like kind of slowly move you into the CT scan machine.

And then. The dye starts, like, pouring into the port, and you guys, it started burning, like, burning, and No one’s in the room. Like I think they leave because like no I don’t know if there’s like Radiation from a CT scan or something, but or they’re just looking at like the screens or I don’t know They’re not in the room, but I’m like I need someone like please help I please stop the machine and so someone like finally comes in and I’m like it’s burning so bad Look, it’s burning.

It’s not like is it supposed to burn like this and he looks and like the Port was like totally busted in my vein and it was just like leaking fucking everywhere, like inside my body. I’m sorry to be super [00:18:00] graphic and this is definitely like a graphic story. Probably should have said that in the beginning.

So fluid just like leaked in and burned super, super bad. So they had to like stick me, get another port going. Inject me again and it didn’t hurt at all. And then they did the CT scan and took me to the ICU from there. And they’re like, we’re going to admit you as like a precautionary thing. We’re concerned about what’s going on.

And being in the ICU means that. Every single hour you’re checked up on, sometimes more, so they’re taking imaging, they’re drawing blood, they’re checking you. All of the time. Like, I felt like it was a lot before. Now it was every single hour. And like, this is [00:19:00] 24 hours throughout the night. So like, later on, when I’m trying to sleep, you can’t sleep.

They wake you up every hour. It doesn’t matter that you’re sleeping. That’s just part of being in the ICU. And you guys, like, again, like, Paul went home to be with our pets. And I’m like, this is our plan. And the truth is, like, I really wish that somebody was there with me because I ended up calling him at, like, 3 in the morning from my bed in the ICU, like, freaking out and telling him, like, it’s so scary here.

Like, I’m. So scared. There are people, like, this is not a room that you’re in. Like, you are in a tiny little sectioned off with curtains. I have, like, the nicer room. I use that term very loosely. I have the nicest area, but, like, It looked like, [00:20:00] like it’s not a room and it’s all open curtains are the only thing in between you and everybody else.

Everybody is severely sick and see, I see you in like Brooklyn, New York, right? So at 3 in the morning. After I’m like not sleeping, so I’m getting woken up every hour to have people check on me and I can’t move my body. You’re like completely immobile and in a tremendous amount of pain if I move my body.

People are screaming you guys like screaming in pain throughout the night. It was Genuinely, like, incredibly terrifying. Like, I felt like I was in, like, a horror movie, like, but in real life. And so I, like, called him and I was like, Can you just stay on the phone with me? I’m so scared right now.

Like, I’m so uncomfortable and I’m just like, I don’t want to be by myself and he did, of course. And that was the night that I’ll never [00:21:00] forget. And the next morning Paul comes, but I could have, I think, theoretically had Mikey come and like visit here and like see him, but I didn’t feel comfortable having a tiny newborn in the ICU.

I didn’t want him to get sick. People there are like really sick and there’s so much stuff in the air and he’s born in November. So I feel like there’s like the flu and cold. And so it’s like, Two nights were like I, I saw him on FaceTime like we’re in the same building and I wanted so, I wanted nothing more than to just hold him and like have him on my chest and like do some skin to skin and like just relax with him and I couldn’t.

Because, this whole time, like, he’s good. [00:22:00] He’s in the nursery, he’s hitting all his little newborn milestones, and doing everything, and eating, and sleeping like a champ. Both of those things are like a champ. And, I am just A mess. So I missed him so much. It was terrible. Like going through nine months of pregnancy, this whole intense labor experience, and then being like taken away your baby’s like taken away.

I mean, I made the decision. I don’t even know if they would have allowed it. I think they would have, though, for him to come to the ICU. But I was just like, I don’t want him there. I think it’s unsafe for him. And I’m back. I know I had, if you’re watching on YouTube, you notice that there’s a bit of a change of look.

Mikey started crying on the monitor and it’s probably like five hours later that I’m [00:23:00] picking this back. Up again, but I wrote a note where I left off. So I won’t forget. So I wrote the note is I think it’s unsafe for him to be in the ICU. So, yeah, I thought it was unsafe and selfish basically to have him come down there to be with me.

I don’t know if they would have said that. We never even asked really, but I was just pretty definitively set on him not coming down there, which was Heartbreaking for me right just to not be with him. Oh my god, it was really difficult all I wanted to do was Stare at his face and like touch his little feet and I couldn’t do that.

So I mean, at that point, yeah, I could barely move. I was getting sponge baths. Fun times. Physical therapists were coming to like, teach me how to like, walk up and down stairs to make sure I knew how to use the bathroom. Like this is shit [00:24:00] that no one talks about. No one talks about this. Like, fun fact, you know what else someone talks about?

The fact that I’m just looking, I have like a scratch on my face. It must be a baby. Can I cut his nails? You know what no one talks about is the fact that when I finally got discharged from the ICU, I ended up in, I mean, what they say is their nicest room. It was not nice. It was private. So thank God it was a private room.

And I finally get to sleep and it’s quiet and I’m out of the ICU. So it’s like peaceful for once. I have my bathroom. I like it, you feel like you’re headed in the right direction, and much more comfortable. So I wake up in the middle of the night and I gotta pee. No one tells you this, that I get up to pee, which is a whole effort unto itself.

It’s like you’re physically in a lot of pain. It’s very hard to move your body. [00:25:00] I get up to go pee and on my way there, like slowly walking over. I pee myself. I pee myself, you guys. No one told me that like I like, I felt, I was horrified. I was like, oh, what? This is a thing. And like, I’m by myself. And I’m like, I’m like, like, you know how you go into like the old lady bathrooms, the old lady bathrooms, like the bathrooms for the old people where they have like the emergency, like pull handle.

So I’m like, oh my God, I’m going to use the old lady pull handle. And I do. And like someone comes. Cause like the hospital and they, that’s what they do. And I was like, Oh my gosh, like, do you help me change? Like, I’m so embarrassed. This is like a perfect stranger. Like if I have, I mean, I’ve got lots of takeaways from this experience, but one of them, Hi [00:26:00] Jojo.

She’s coming to visit. Hi Jojo. One of the main takeaways is like, Nurses in particular, like, sure, doctors, like, I don’t know, they get the street cred that they deserve. They get street cred. There’s no, like, lack of that. But when it comes to, like, nurses, I had one. Nurse that I didn’t like, right? Like the one that I mentioned earlier, like wasn’t listening to me, and was being weird when I was asking her questions, but every other nurse was like above and beyond warm.

I cried when I was discharged because this one nurse and I had like bonded so much and she was so like she, I needed her, like I needed her in those few days, and she was so kind to me and so like. Warm. I don’t know. She was taking her time to, like, teach me was so empathetic, and was so helpful. And, like, she just [00:27:00] gave me her time.

And I don’t know. I don’t know. Like, I cried when I was saying goodbye to her. I’m. I mean, there are very few times in my life that I’ve done that with a perfect stranger. So just the amount of help and support and the wonderful, like nature of these nurses is incredible. And like, really, they deserve so much praise for every single thing that they do.

So yeah, incontinence is a thing. Um, and then you get home and. You have been wearing adult diapers for weeks, guys. Weeks. No one told me. No one told me that you wear diapers for weeks, like, yeah, I didn’t get my period until I think six or seven weeks. I think. Don’t quote me on that. But many weeks after and also about the nurses.

I’m just incredibly grateful to the nurses who took such good care of my son. Well, My [00:28:00] husband’s at home taking care of our pets, and I am very much incapable of taking care of a newborn baby, and they’re taking care of him. And like, I felt like he was in such good hands. And it was like, really sweet because when they would bring him to you, like, I don’t know, like, they, like, They’re very personal.

It wasn’t just like, Oh, here’s baby 156892. Like, it wasn’t like that at all. They were like, Oh, Mikey, like, Oh, he’s doing this or he was doing that. And like, Oh, we like Mikey over there. Like, it’s just like, it’s, it was above and beyond. It was above and beyond. So it was, I want to say six days that we were in the hospital total.

That last day of getting discharged was like torture because we were just waiting and waiting like we got the go-ahead from all the number of people that we needed to get discharged by, and then we were [00:29:00] like, Oh, there’s like this one thing missing, and oh, I’m so sorry, it’s taking forever.

Like, I don’t think we got discharged till like three o’clock or something that day. And then we went to go pick up Zoe with him once we got discharged so she could meet her baby brother because we, I don’t know, I never imagined her being at the hospital in the first place. Like certainly like not in the, during my like delivery.

I don’t know. That’s like. I don’t, do people do that? Like, I don’t know if people have their younger kids. Like, that seems like actually traumatic to have like a young child in a room where someone’s delivering a baby. I’m sure there are plenty of people who do that though. So I would say no judgment, but there’s a little bit of judgment.

I just think it’s, that’s crazy. So anyway, Zoe was with her mom for this whole week. And we couldn’t wait to pick her up to introduce her to her brother. And so I remember us like [00:30:00] leaving the hospital and going to pick her up. It’s like our first car ride and he was like, perfect in the car.

All those first few days, he slept like an angel that didn’t last, but, on the way to pick her up, it was wild. Paul’s like, Oh, look over there. It’s Genesis. And Genesis is the name of our fertility clinic. We passed it. And it’s not like we, it’s not like it’s like, On the way to most things is pretty out of the way, actually, but it happened to be on the way from the hospital to picking up Zoe and we passed it and it felt really special to like pass place that I went to like day in and day out to.

Oh my God, get poked and prodded and tested and injected and like all these things to get pregnant. It was such a pivotal, huge part of our journey. I like to feel 100 [00:31:00] percent certain that we would not have gotten pregnant without them. It just wasn’t in the cards for us to have this happen naturally.

We tried to pass that building that I was at so frequently and that was so emotional and had Mikey sitting right next to me in his little car seat in the car. I was like, okay. Wild. It was a cool moment that I definitely will not forget. And so we came home and Zoe has been incredibly sweet with him.

Like over-the-top sweet with him since the day she met him. I had Zero expectations about it. I want her to be a kid. Some so many people said to me, Oh, it’s great. You have a nine-year-old when you’re having a baby. It’s like, Oh, it’s like a built-in mother’s helper. It’s like built-in help this, that, and the other.

And I’m like, Do you know what nine-year-olds are like? First of all, and second of all, [00:32:00] I just want her to be a kid. I don’t, I’m not having Mikey with any expectation that Zoe is now going to be like help out with the baby. Like, sure, there will be moments where I think that like, just as another member of the family, if like, I need.

Something and he needs something and I need to do it for him or what have you like, she’ll pitch in. Right. But like, there’s no expectation that she’s going to be like, uh, an actual like main hair taker of his. And there’s no expectation there. I just wanted to be a kid. She’s nine. She’s a child. So my expectations.

We’re very low in terms of that in terms of you know, she how she feels about she’s been an only child for so long and like my dream, of course, is like that they get along and She enjoys him But I wanted to manage my expectations because I know if that didn’t happen like I didn’t want to be [00:33:00] incredibly sad about it So I did I sort of managed my expectations.

I went into it And I wonder if that helped, but she’s just like the most amazing child on the face of the planet. And I have to watch my words now because now I have two kids, but she’s the most amazing nine-year-old on the face of the planet. And she’s just so good with him. She’s like, she’s just so special.

And she’s got like this intuition about. Babies. I don’t know where she gets it from. Like, some people just have it. I just didn’t have that, like, at all whatsoever. I didn’t grow up around kids or babies at all. So, it’s been a steep learning curve the last three months with Mikey. So, from learning what hunger cues look like to the types of cries they mean different things.

Things to how to work out his stomach issues to change his formula three times. Like we’ve made countless doctor’s appointments cause you know, he’s got a [00:34:00] few things going on. And I started out knowing like vilge about babies at all, like literally knowing nothing, about babies. So that is to say that.

If you are pregnant or thinking about having a kid someday and you’re like, well, I want to here’s what I felt. I felt like I got to the point in my life where enough shit had happened, like really awful stuff in my life had gone on and you know, one of the only Um, really positive things in my life consistently has pretty much been work my career.

It’s something that I, it’s like a beacon for me, something that I can focus on and work hard on. And usually, I do well at and it’s diving into work for [00:35:00] so many years of my life. But then I sort of got to a point in my mid-thirties where I finally met someone that I wanted to be the father of my kids. And I also got to the point where I was like, I have really like lived, I’ve lived my personal life, like my single life, my career, I’ve accomplished so many things that I never thought I would accomplish.

And I was like ready for the next life challenge, not a work challenge, right? Like life challenges. And I just, that’s how I knew I was like, Wanting to do this and wanting to have a kid. Oh, and the fact that I’m a stepmom. So I sort of got to review being a parent for six years. I’ve known Zoe. I met her when she was three and like, I give her a lot of credit for her.

Wanting to have another kid. I mean, I would give her, I’d give her a significant amount of that credit. I mean, she’s amazing. So like, I hope we get two [00:36:00] amazing kids, but you never know. She’s got big shoes to fill. But yeah, I just wanted the next challenge in my life. And so I feel like it’s a challenge in a couple of different ways.

Like one, like I mentioned, I just knew nothing about babies. So it’s like the steepest learning curve of anything. And there’s, the stakes are so high. And you guys, when like a baby is screaming on the top of their lungs and you’re sleep deprived and you’re. Like, you’ve done everything that you can to troubleshoot what’s going on, like, you’ve changed him, you’ve burped him, you’ve fed him, you, like, you’ve done every possible thing and he’s still screaming.

It’s, it is the type of challenge that I’ve never experienced. Uh, with anything else in my life, it challenges the core of who you are as a human being. [00:37:00] And I’m like sadistic like that. So like, I was like, yeah, I want that challenge. I like that challenge. And I have, I enjoyed it. Those moments where he’s screaming at the top of his lungs.

No, there have been tears on my end as well. Let’s be real. But we got through it all. I’m like, we’re getting through it. And he’s, I feel like at three months, he. Maybe it’s just the three-month milestone or the fact that we finally found maybe the right formula But he just switched on or something and he’s sleeping a lot better And he’s a little less fussy and I guess my point is that it was it’s partially that I wanted that challenge but I also I wanted to challenge myself in terms of, like, can I just enjoy something and have my life calm down a bit and have it just be filled with good things?

That sounds crazy, even as I say that, and I like to put that into the universe, like that [00:38:00] sounds crazy. Like, why is that a challenge? But for me, it is because there’s been a lot of quiet moments. Where I’m in his nursery, which feels like from sun up to sun down, and it’s like this very sort of monotonous cycle of feeding him and burping him and changing him and swaddling him and putting him down and putting him to sleep, and then he sleeps for the littlest bit, and then you do it all over again.

So there’s been like a lot of silence In between the screaming, the crying, but in that silence, I used to be scared of that silence. I used to be like. The craziest thoughts would go through my mind, like all the shit in my life would come up basically and I used to be perturbed by silence and always like to have a podcast in the background or music playing or just keeping my mind busy because the silence usually scared me.

There’s been a lot [00:39:00] of that over the past 3 months of the silence and very certainly lots of just you kind of evaluate your life. You have like, you sit back and you. Reflect on, for example, the fact that, like, Mikey doesn’t have grandparents in the picture and a lot of family stuff has come up, just like sensitive stuff in your heart will come up or has, at least for me, but the challenge has been to just, like, let it go.

And to be like, I wanted this for so long, which is having Mikey in my life and he’s here and I deserve to like, enjoy the shit out of this kid and I want to so badly. And I’m going to. And like, no one is going to take that away from me. And so that’s my challenge. That’s my [00:40:00] challenge. And like, it is a challenge for me.

I don’t know if anyone relates to that, but that is a challenge. I easily succumb to the negativity that’s like, that finds its way to me. And it’s a challenge to sort of block it out and just like, Enjoy the pureness of this limited time that he’s so tiny and so like, ah, it’s just beautiful. It’s really beautiful.

So this is a challenge that I’m excited about and that I’m taking on. So with all that being said, that is my birth story. Thank you, guys, for giving a shit, like listening again. I hope that sharing some of this. Will help someone some of you who are maybe going through it or thinking about going through it send me a message in our Slack if you’re a member and ask if you have [00:41:00] any questions or anything like that There are lot that I this has been like a Two and a half year plus journey to get to this point from all the infertility stuff to the Pregnancy and then the labor and he’s here.

I’m like so excited that he’s here He’s upstairs right now as I’m recording this and I miss him and that’s my story All right, you guys again. Thanks for listening So with that being said, I also wanted to give you guys a heads up That as I make my way back from maternity leave, we have been working on a special project, basically deep-diving into all things WIIM, including this podcast to see how we can continue to like to improve and evolve, like constantly evolve and grow this community.

And so for now. This is going to be the last episode of the podcast for a bit because we are going to be focusing a lot [00:42:00] more on our in-person events and some other really exciting things that we will be sharing with you guys soon. So I love that you guys have stuck with this podcast for so many years.

It’s been a labor of love for a long time and this has been the absolute longest stretch of consistent episodes that we’ve done. We were really, we were on a good run there. But I just, I sort of feel like I’ve gotten to the point where the podcast is really like, it’s a labor of love. It’s a hobby of mine.

I want to dive a little bit more into other parts of the community. That’s the truth. So with that being said, you guys, I’m going to be signing off on the podcast for a bit. So if you’re interested https: otter. Ai Continuing with this community or learning about this community, if you’re new to us, you can always check out our website, IamWiim.[00:43:00] 

com, that’s I A M W I I M. com, I almost forgot the letters there. And check out the membership, we have an incredible community that truthfully needs us. A little bit more of my focus, which gets pulled away because I just enjoy doing this podcast so much. And I think that I owe it to the community to get back from maternity leave and like 100 percent focus on the community itself.

So we are going to be doing incredible events this year, even bigger and better than last year in cities all over. We’re going to be adding new cities. There’s a lot of really exciting stuff to come. So jump into the membership. You’ll dive into our Slack board, and meet all these incredible women. And I love you guys for listening to this podcast for so long.

It’s a little sad. I’m not going to lie, but it was really hard for me to make this decision and I want to stick to it. So we’re going to [00:44:00] pause for a bit. And I’ll see you guys more in WIIM. Thank you so much for listening. If you enjoyed this episode, we gotta have you back. Check out our website for more ways to get involved, including all the information you need about joining our collective.

You can check out all the information at iamwiim. com. Leave us a review, or a rating, but the most important thing that we ask you to do is to share this podcast. Thank you for listening. Tune in next week.