Want More Friends?

[00:00:00] Jessy Grossman: I work, if we want help with the baby, we’re going to have to hire help. We don’t have the luxury of having family or even really friends who would take that on or would be happy to do it. And, and just sort of coming to that realization and acceptance of that as And it’s been a challenge.

[00:00:27] Hey guys, welcome back to the women in funds or marketing podcast. I’m your host, Jessy Grossman, and. If any one of you are new, this is your very first episode. Welcome. Thank you so much for joining. I’ve been experimenting with like new topics and such that haven’t really touched on before. This is definitely going to be one of those, and I’m excited to get into it with you guys.

[00:00:54] It’s a little bit of a personal share, but I definitely can equate it to following influencers and creators and the topic, just being like, feeling as if. Um, on the internet, you have all these friends and connections and relationships and yet in real life, your circle, my circle is like very small and how that is a little bit of a mindfuck.

[00:01:19] So we’re going to get into it today. Okay. Bye. And let’s just get into it.

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[00:02:07] Make more money and have fun doing it. Visit IamWiim.com slash join. That’s I A M W M. I am. com slash join today. And I so look forward to seeing you more around the community. All right. So I’m going to be so real with you guys today. So I am in the middle of planning my baby shower and I bring that up because I’m like struggling to get, like, if we get 30 people, we’ll be like, wow, look at us.

[00:02:41] We’re so popular. It’s been a really interesting. Bit of a mindfuck. And let me explain more. So, you know, neither Paul nor I have our parents around. I have literally like three family members who will be attending. That’s it. And he has. a handful more. So like the family situation is so small. And then like, I don’t know, our friends circle, I’ve had a conversation with someone recently and she’s like, you need to like, extend the bench a bit, like have a bit more of like, not even like 50 more friends, like one or two more people who are in your corner.

[00:03:22] I have like my best friend who lives in LA and I had A lot of other friendships and friends from, you know, early days when I moved to New York, like 15 ish years ago, and so many people have moved away. It’s really hard to maintain friendships just as you get older in general. I mean, The distance doesn’t help, you know, when people start having kids and you’re like single AF, like it’s hard.

[00:03:49] It definitely takes a lot of work and I don’t know. Candidly, I’ve also let a lot of friendships go, like either we sort of had a falling out. That was my choice, their choice, all sorts of different scenarios. But what I’ve been left with at 37 years old. Is, you know, looking back and feeling as if I made the right choices for myself at the time.

[00:04:15] But I, in the present, you know, there’s a huge milestone in my life of this like wonderful baby shower. We’ve been trying to have a kid for so long and just really want to celebrate. And you know, again, we’re gonna, we’re struggling to get 25, 30 people there. And candidly, even some of the people that are coming are like, There, it’s a stretch.

[00:04:36] Like these certainly aren’t like the closest people to us. Most of them are, but a few aren’t. Why do I even bring this up? Like, how is this relevant to this podcast? Well, first of all, I just like to be sort of honest and candid about what’s like currently going on in my life. And it’s definitely been something that I’ve been struggling with a lot as you know, it’s like a huge change in my life.

[00:04:56] For example, you know, I work, if we want help with the Baby, we’re going to have to hire help. We don’t have the luxury of having family or even really friends who would take that on or would be happy to do it. And, and just sort of coming to that realization and acceptance of that has been, it’s been a challenge, but the mind fuck piece, especially came in yesterday.

[00:05:24] I posted. publicly to, you know, everybody. So like Facebook, I try to keep a bit more personal and even my Instagram, my personal Instagram, because I have a personal, you know, Jessy Grossman account. Like it’s just me. It’s not really usually that work related at all. If a little tiny bit seeps through whatever, but it’s like, it’s really meant for like my family and And the mindfuck was that.

[00:05:50] I posted this and like, of course, both of those algorithms are like, Oh, if they announce like a baby on the way, like they’re going to show it to everybody. So I’m also not surprised. Cause of course, like I understand that, but like, it wasn’t just likes, it was like comments, like really sweet comments.

[00:06:06] Cause some people out of the blue, like texted me too, which is like in 2024, I’m like, Oh, Wow. That’s like really making an effort. You know, you went out of your way to text me from a social post to like personally, you know, say congratulations and stuff. And it was like hundreds of people between the two posts.

[00:06:28] Had really lovely things to say and I just had this like bizarre moment that I was chatting with Paul about I was like it’s a bit of a Confusing thing because you know, we’re like in the pool yesterday kind of brainstorming like and so we’re do we go like Should we invite people from like the B list, the C list?

[00:06:48] Like, do we just want to fill the room? Cause it, I don’t know, it feels shitty. It just feels shitty when you just, you know, you take inventory of your close, your actual in real life, true close relationships. And it’s just not as plentiful as you compare it when you compare yourself to others who have weddings of like a hundred billion dollars.

[00:07:09] 200, 300 people or something. Right. And then of course I had this post on social media that like exploded and I’m like, Oh, I haven’t spoken to that person so long. I mean, we’re talking like 10 plus years here, but I think that the reason I wanted to bring it up with you guys is because I mean, a, I guess I’m just curious if anyone’s experienced the same.

[00:07:30] And especially because like. We work in the industry. So we sort of understand cerebrally, like what it is to have like an on run online relationship. And does that translate into, you know, well, what I invite you to my baby shower, what I invite you to my birthday party, my wedding, you know, like, like big milestones in my life.

[00:07:49] Or are we just like. perpetually creating this like facade of relationships where, you know, well, yeah, like I’ll DM you and I’ll comment on a post here and there, but like, how well do we really connect with each other? Like how close. Are we, and I’ve had this experience like a handful of times, very few times, but it again, they like big milestones in your personal life.

[00:08:17] And it starts to just become much more glaringly obvious, but like discrepancy is there. I wonder if you guys have experienced it. I wonder also for those of you who use social, Similar to I, how I do, which is like very much for business. Like if you’re the founder of a company or you run your own business in any capacity, or even like an executive, you know, like high up in your company, like it’s very beneficial.

[00:08:42] I find to put yourself out there online so that it usually helps business. Like you see a direct correlation, but I think that there’s been this like growing. Desire in the past, like few years, especially as I’ve gone through some really challenging personal things to just like have people who are closer to me, like have people that I’m closer with in my life.

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[00:10:37] That’s I-A-M-W-I-I m.com/ K-A-V-A-T. I hope you guys love it as much as I do. It’s so hard to make friends as a 30 something year old. I also believe that like we change as people pretty dramatically, like every like five years max. So I don’t know. I spoke with someone else recently who was like, yeah, I like.

[00:11:02] I let all my, you know, I had this whole group of like college friends and I sort of let them all go because it just felt like we were sort of beyond that period of time where we all got each other. Like we, we had sort of run our course. I totally get where she was coming from because I’ve had that throughout my life.

[00:11:19] And I think that I’m struggling because if I truly like reflect back. I feel like I made the right decision and all these different scenarios to let these people go. But I think like I’m struggling because it would have been nice to replace them with people who were a better fit. And in so many ways I like, I, in so many ways I’m fine.

[00:11:40] I wouldn’t say like I love, but like I am comfortable having. a really small circle. I definitely have trust issues with people. Let’s be real. I definitely only feel truly comfortable to be myself in front of like a handful of people. And I guess the desire is there that like, I wish I would have, I wish I would feel more comfortable in front of more people.

[00:12:03] But, and I feel like I’m, Very candid on, certainly on this podcast and even on my personal page. But again, there’s like this major discrepancy with like, you feel as if you have this connection with somebody and if it originates online or it’s primarily online, then. In my experience, it doesn’t necessarily translate to in person, you know, like a true deep connection with someone.

[00:12:33] So, yes, I want to be personal and share this with you guys, and it’s in very top of mind, and I’m just curious if any of you guys are going through the same thing, but also, let’s bring it back to marketing and influencer marketing, right? Because I’m so curious if people who follow famous influencers. So they feel connected with them, but like how connected could they possibly feel if the relationship is, there’s still boundaries there, like there’s still limits.

[00:13:02] And as there should be, you know, for safety reasons and for just sanity reasons that influencers shouldn’t be personally connected with all their followers. But it’s just, it’s like a bit of, um, I can imagine that a lot of creators. Go through this, right? Like maybe you feel as if you do have a more personal relationship with like one of your followers who, you know, you connect with, but how far do you let that relationship go?

[00:13:29] You know, like, is it safe, you know, is it, does it make sense to open up? And if there is sort of this limit, this boundary that most influencers set between them and their followers? How much, like. Then there’s limits to the amount of trust that you can have in that influencer because there’s always a boundary there.

[00:13:55] And there’s just this, like, I think there’s a misconception that, you know, there are people out there who feel incredibly close, connected and trust influencers. And I guess like I call a little bit of bullshit on that. Like, Sure, there are people that I love and I follow and I listen to on, you know, podcasts and YouTube and, you know, those are the channels that I personally love, but like, Especially working in this industry, I definitely see it through a unique lens, right?

[00:14:28] There’s still this distance between us and I wonder how do you bridge that gap such so that you can be more effective as a influencer, as a creator, or even as a brand to like bridge that human gap, but maintain levels of safety and. Professionalism and all that. I wonder if that’s even possible or if that’s like a pipe dream.

[00:14:58] And since I’m this person who thinks very much in terms of like operations and stuff and efficiencies, I’m like, can creators do such a thing at scale or. Efficiently at least and achieve that level of closeness, but still maintain some distance. Like I, I do believe that influencers should maintain a good level of, you know, distance, but again, for like safety concerns for, you know, just having professional boundaries, I think is a really healthy thing, but does that then mean that they’re perpetually Always going to be distant from their followers.

[00:15:38] I don’t know. I feel like I’m going around in circles, but I think you guys get the point. And it’s just sort of like this big picture question of like, the perception, is it matching the reality? And I think that as marketers, we need to really be clear about what we’re doing. The reality is, which is we’re on the other side of computer screens or cell phone screens.

[00:15:58] And like, it’s very masterful when you can get each party on the other side as close as possible. Because having a relationship, whether it’s platonic, romantic, whatever it is, it’s challenging when there’s distance between you because means there’s distance in every other way that you would normally connect in relationships.

[00:16:23] And maybe this is a sign that we should just have more. In person events and in person meetings and activations, you know, whether it’s brands inviting people into their space or a space to just meet in person or, you know, creators having meetups so that they can feel more connected or I love people are doing a lot of like live podcast recordings.

[00:16:47] I love those. I think they’re so fun. We’re going to be doing a few of those or even like. If you’re a influencer marketer, like, you know, getting off zoom, getting off Google meet, whatever it is, and just meeting in person with people because, and also like not putting up this facade when you do meet people, it’s been really refreshing.

[00:17:05] I feel like the last bunch of meetings that I’ve taken just getting coffee, catching up, whatever in person, like sure. But most of the conversations are not about. Business. And if they are, it’s like, it’s personal feelings about business stuff. I love that. Maybe it’s a product of like me getting older. I know I’ve definitely talked about that on the show before.

[00:17:29] Well, me getting older, but like how I did business so differently in my twenties than I’m doing in my thirties. And I used to have this, like, I almost put on like this persona because I wanted to be this. Vision of this professional person is like the person that I wanted to be versus the person who I just am.

[00:17:50] And I think that the older that I’ve gotten and the more comfortable that I’ve gotten, I’ve seen a lot of really been like huge benefits from just being yourself. When you meet with people, you know, even in a professional capacity, I know I certainly get a better A lot more fulfillment out of it. And I feel like I’m sort of scratching that itch, which is such as I’m just kind of craving closer relationships with people these days.

[00:18:14] So a bit of a rant today. There’s no like takeaway. I mean, if anything, the takeaway is like humans, human relationships are just complicated and, you know, professionally it’s that it’s sort of our job to dissect human relationships so that we can figure out what’s Ways to strategize how to reach people in a more effective way.

[00:18:40] I know I can’t be the only one feeling this these days. And especially if you’re, you know, of a certain age when you’re having like big life changes, like I am right now, you know, your desires change in terms of how you want to connect with people. Where you want to connect with people, the amount of connections that you want to have.

[00:19:00] I was perfectly content having like basically me, Paul and Zoe hanging out all the time for a few years there. I was not craving necessarily having like close friendships. And now I am. And so with that, if you’re trying to target someone like me, it’s something to think about, right? How do you facilitate that as a brand, as an influencer?

[00:19:23] Or as a combo. So I hope this was helpful. I’m trying to, I mean, I’m sure you can tell just parlay like my personal experiences into some professional lessons for us to think about. Because I mean, we can like analyze the crap out of influencer marketing all day, every day. But ultimately I think the best way to approach it is by saying like, what do I want?

[00:19:46] You know, what do I like? What would get me out to an event? Like what would get me to buy? Buy a product and stop being so cerebral about it and really just bring it back to reality. So this is my reality. I wanted to share it with you guys. Hope it’s some interesting food for thought. And if you know any awesome women who live in.

[00:20:06] Brooklyn or New York. We’re also looking for friends. Hit me up. So embarrassing. All right, guys. See you next week. If you enjoyed this episode, we gotta have you back. Check out our website for more ways to get involved, including all the information you need about joining our collective. You can check out all the information at IamWiim.com. Leave us a review, a rating, but the most important thing that we can ask you to do is to share this podcast. Thanks for listening. Tune in next week.