Sensitive Topic

[00:00:00] Jessy Grossman: I got pregnant and it was the first time I had been pregnant. I was like, holy shit. I can get pregnant. Honestly, I have no idea. I’m 36 years old at this point. So I did that. Fantastic. Very excited, but also it’s like, obviously very, very early days. So I booked the speaking gig in January and like, especially considering everything that was going on.

[00:00:24] Jessy Grossman: Where it was not easy to even get to this point. I was going to respectfully bow out of that opportunity, particularly because I was,

[00:00:39] Jessy Grossman: Hey guys, welcome back this week. It’s just me. I actually just had a pretty wild experience. That I thought would just be perfect to talk about with you today. So for any of you guys who are new, I welcome you to the show. We normally have a lot of interviews, but sometimes occasionally we’ll do more of like a solo episode.

[00:01:06] Jessy Grossman: So if this is your first one. Welcome to that.

[00:01:12] Jessy Grossman: This show is sponsored by Women in Influencer Marketing, better known as WHIM, the best online community for the creator economy. You will meet fellow influencer marketers, you’ll meet brands, you’ll meet talent agencies to talk shop, get hired, and even find a mentor. When you become a member, do not forget to subscribe.

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[00:01:53] Jessy Grossman: Make more money and have fun doing it. Visit IamWim. com slash join. That’s I A M W M. I I M dot com slash join today. And I so look forward to seeing you more around the community anyways, you guys. Okay. So here’s what happened. I had a speaking engagement that I was booked for in January of 2024. So they obviously booked it in 2023 towards the end.

[00:02:25] Jessy Grossman: For those of you who. I’ve been trying to get pregnant for probably going on about two years at this point and very open about my journey and the process of going through fertility treatments. And like, I’m an open book about that stuff because I, I think more women need to be pregnant. Be open about that.

[00:02:50] Jessy Grossman: Okay. So anyways, I have been trying for a long time cut to like December of 2023 and I was pregnant. I got pregnant and it was the first time I had been pregnant. I was like, holy shit, I can get pregnant. Honestly had no idea. 36 years old at this point. So did that fantastic, very excited, but also it’s like, obviously very, very early days.

[00:03:18] Jessy Grossman: So I booked the speaking gig in January and like, especially considering everything that was going on where, you know, it was not easy to even get to this point. I was going to respectfully bow out of that opportunity, particularly because I was, I I needed to travel to Vegas at that point. So I wanted to email them and kind of let them know that unfortunately I needed to bow out.

[00:03:45] Jessy Grossman: Now here’s something to know about me. I am a workhorse. Like I take classes. Work responsibility commitments very seriously. I am not flaky in that regard. Maybe sometimes in my personal life, but like never in my work life. So the fact that I committed to this and then needed to bow out, like I had a lot of feelings about that.

[00:04:09] Jessy Grossman: And especially like we had partnered together in the past, like this wasn’t the first time that would have been even worse, I think. But anyways, I wanted to, I wrote them, uh, you know, an email just sort of explaining, I’m so sorry. I have to bow out this. I know it’s so last minute. I hate to put you in this position.

[00:04:25] Jessy Grossman: And because I thought it looked like it was so last minute and I just didn’t want to, I wanted to explain the why I made the decision to just tell them that I was pregnant. Now this was the first time I had gotten pregnant. Right. So like in my mind, especially in that. Early day is I’m like, I’m not thinking of any risk.

[00:04:43] Jessy Grossman: I’m just living in the clouds. I’m just like, I’m finally pregnant. This is what’s going to happen. It’s finally here. I’ve been working so hard. I just want a little baby. I’m so excited. So me telling them in the moment, I was like, like they say not to say anything until after the first trimester, but like.

[00:05:00] Jessy Grossman: You know, there’s a reason here. ’cause I didn’t wanna have them just think that I was flaky. So I shared the news. I was like, you know, it’s very early days. I’m pretty sure I must have said that, but I unfortunately won’t be able to travel there because I’m, I’m pregnant. So there were three women on the other end of that email.

[00:05:16] Jessy Grossman: They were like, lovely, et cetera, et cetera. And happy to fill my spot. No issues at all. So, cut. Day. And to be completely honest with you guys, I like forgot that I mentioned that to them because well, there’s a lot that happened between then and now, namely that I had a miscarriage very soon after I probably sent that email.

[00:05:41] Jessy Grossman: So I had a call with them today planning for their next event. And I’m like chatting with two of the three people on the call. One of them pops in a little bit late, but it’s like, we’re just keeping it light. Connect, you know, just casually shooting the shit. So the third person jumps on the call, maybe like three or four minutes into it.

[00:06:01] Jessy Grossman: Awkwardly says hi cause she’s just a couple minutes late. But you guys, she interrupts to ask, so when are you due? You’re probably due. So like soon. Right. Oh my. God, you guys, I just, I haven’t experienced anything like that before. And I had at first, I honestly was like, why is she asking me this? I didn’t remember that I had sent her that information so early on.

[00:06:28] Jessy Grossman: And as the conversation continued, it clicked in my mind that I had, and that’s why she was asking me. But in the moment I was like, no, like I haven’t announced anything. I haven’t announced anything yet. Nope. Not. Not me. And she was like, Oh my gosh, I must have confused you with somebody else. I’m so sorry.

[00:06:50] Jessy Grossman: She goes, Oh, that, that question must seem so awkward. Oh my God. I’m so sorry. Like, I know that she also probably felt something about it. Like. She definitely felt awkward about it and expressed that. And of course I felt super awkward about it and I don’t really know. I don’t, um, this just happened like an hour ago and I’m sitting here trying to say, trying to think like, would I have done anything different?

[00:07:18] Jessy Grossman: How would I have handled that situation better? Like the worst thing is being caught off guard with some, The very personal news with a seemingly perfect stranger. So of course you could definitely make the argument. Well, I didn’t have to share that in the first place. Like she was obviously well intentioned by following up and just sweetly asking because I had shared that with her.

[00:07:44] Jessy Grossman: I think it was like, A little inappropriate on a group call to ask that look, why do I think it’s inappropriate at all is probably because I’ve been going through this infertility journey for two years, right? before being exposed to the insane amount of hardship of. This journey of trying to have a baby and like all a, like it is the most emotional thing ever to go through without having had that perspective.

[00:08:17] Jessy Grossman: I wouldn’t have known to think this way either. Like I just, I, you only know what you know. Right. So I know she was well intentioned, but I just, I feel like this is a PSA. For people out there, don’t comment on people’s bodies. Don’t ask if, you know, about pregnancies, like just, I would just the rule of thumb, just like, don’t, I wouldn’t bring it up if they bring it up.

[00:08:42] Jessy Grossman: Fantastic. Indulge in the conversation. Like I’ve just, I’ve had countless. experiences where people have either brought up pregnancy and, you know, didn’t necessarily know how much I’ve been struggling to get pregnant. And that hurts. I’ve also had just had people comment on my body before and just say, you know, like, Oh, when are I’ve shared this for sure in whim before, but I am that person.

[00:09:10] Jessy Grossman: Raising my hand, I carry all of my weight in my stomach. That’s just how I’m built. That’s in my DNA. And I’ve had not just one time, but a couple times, probably even three times in my life, in my 37 years on this earth, where people have made said to me, Oh, when are you due? Because they looked at my stomach and thought that I was pregnant.

[00:09:33] Jessy Grossman: Now that is a whole separate thing. That is a whole level of stupidity and fucking insanity that like, I’m not even going to entertain on this show because you should never do that. That’s insane. We’re talking about perfect strangers here. Like I think those people are delusional and like, actually have something wrong with them.

[00:09:54] Jessy Grossman: You don’t do that. You don’t go up to a perfect stranger and ask them when they’re due. You just don’t, I don’t know you don’t fucking comment on my body. Get the fuck out of here. Right? So that’s one thing that’s happened to me. This is like a little bit of the history, right? But even the subtle thing, I think in what happened today, which is I had shared this information with her, you know, so like I understand, I totally understand where she was coming from.

[00:10:22] Jessy Grossman: And I know she was only coming from a good place, but. Even then, and I think that’s the important information that I want to get across. I don’t think it’s appropriate to ask unless the person brings it up. Why? Because I have gone through so much ups and downs, a miscarriage, miscarriages happen to what?

[00:10:40] Jessy Grossman: One in four women. I’ve known so many people who have had early miscarriages, late stage miscarriages. is such a wild journey. And sure, there are women who get pregnant. And have the baby and their pregnancy is easy and their delivery is wonderful. And I just, it’s ignorance, not knowing the other side. I feel like there’s like this, I mean, I know there’s this negative connotation about ignorance.

[00:11:05] Jessy Grossman: Ignorance just means you don’t know. So I express the word ignorance with that meaning behind it. No judgment. She just probably didn’t know it was well intentioned. Quick question for you guys. How much do you love redlining agreements? Yeah, me too. Let me tell you about our latest sponsor called Caveat.

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[00:13:01] Jessy Grossman: For so many people. I know that I’m not alone. The amount of women who have reached out to me because I’ve been fairly open about this journey and the ups and downs has been unbelievable. And I’ve been so incredibly grateful to meet you guys, because I can tell you that when I first started going down this path of like, God, I like, I’m not really getting pregnant.

[00:13:23] Jessy Grossman: Like what? I don’t really know what’s going on. It seems like this might take a while. I just, I felt so alone. I felt like I was the. Only one going through this because I didn’t know I wasn’t exposed to it. It just wasn’t anything on my radar. And now like I’ve learned so much. I’ve learned also, thankfully that like, there are so many women who are going through this.

[00:13:46] Jessy Grossman: I just want people to have more compassion and more awareness that commenting on people’s bodies or asking. About a pregnancy, especially on a group call when like, It’s seemingly like a stranger, like maybe not a stranger, but like, I don’t know these people well at all. Like that’s just, I feel like that’s not okay.

[00:14:15] Jessy Grossman: And you know, I’m not going to be the one to make her feel bad about asking as we’re continuing this conversation. And I’m putting the pieces together of why she asked in the first place, knowing that I told her I was pregnant. I’m sitting here with all these thoughts in my head. I’m like, Oh gosh. Like, do I sort of try to make her feel.

[00:14:33] Jessy Grossman: Better. And say, Oh, you know what? I just remembered. I must’ve told, I told you that I was pregnant and I was pregnant. I miscarried. That’s going to make the conversation even that much more awkward. So I didn’t do that. I just sort of let it go. And it was just, I wanted to crawl under a rock. It was pretty.

[00:14:55] Jessy Grossman: Uncomfortable. It’s reliving this horrible experience that I went through with a perfect stranger. And like, I was very caught off guard. So I don’t know. That was my, how my Thursday morning went. What about you guys? I’m more than happy to share these experiences with you guys. My hope truly is like, That you guys don’t feel so alone in these uncomfortable, awkward situations that we all find ourselves in.

[00:15:25] Jessy Grossman: I shared this in our Girl Talk channel, in our Slack community just this morning, and I’ve been sharing a lot of other personal, very vulnerable things as have so many of you. I just, it’s, it’s a huge, it’s very important to me that. As women, we just continue to do that. That being just be open and honest with each other about like the things that maybe a lot of people aren’t normally talking about, but that we, so many of us universally experience.

[00:15:57] Jessy Grossman: I really want to remove stigmas and just have more conversations like this with you guys. So that’s what I went through this morning. Oh God. God, anyways, thanks for listening to my story time. Thank you guys for tuning in. It’s going to be a very short episode, but I will see you next week. And for those of you who are interested in having more conversations like this, jump into girl talk in our Slack board.

[00:16:24] Jessy Grossman: We’re really getting into it. They’re juicy stuff being discussed. And for any of you guys who haven’t joined the membership, of course, you could just go to, I am whim. Have a great rest of your week guys, lovely to connect with you and I’ll see you next week. If you enjoyed this episode, we got to have you back.

[00:16:44] Jessy Grossman: Check out our website for more ways to get involved, including all the information you need about joining our collective. You can check out all the information at IamWim. com. Leave us a review, a rating, but the most important thing that we can ask you to do That’s what I’m going to do is to share this podcast.

[00:17:01] Jessy Grossman: Thanks for listening. Tune in next week.